Yes, you read it right. Oh God, why why why why did I think I could do it? Big party. Big shop at supermarket and I saw this whole salmon sitting there. It said buy me. It also said reduced and I knew that would please my husband. So I bought it. I should have taken it back when the girl on the register refused to handle it because she didn't like fish. But no, it went into the trolley.
Got it home and thought - what the ?? have I done?
Google - brilliant for everything. Only computer is in one room, salmon is in other and by the time I'd walked from one room to the other, my mind had gone blank. So I cut off the head. obviously don't need that.
Back to Google. Leave the head on.
S...t
I need a sharp knife. Not one in our house except the one in my husband's tool box. Made no difference - it was not easy to cut that damn fish. Not keen on the sounds of bones crunching. Is that fish blood or mine?
I did manage to get it in half but there was more left on the spine than I expected.
Now the skin, how to get it off?
Back to Google
Much too much time later, I had the skin off. The head off. The tail of. The bits out. Only I did't have two nice salmon fillets. I had a pile of fish flakes.
Back to Google - what to do with salmon flakes
Useless so I made it up.
I plastered everything together. Poured over soy sauce and sesame seeds. Wrapped it in foil and everyone said it was delicious.
I couldn't bring myself to eat it.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Blurbs
I have to vent. Well, actually I'm avoiding doing something but venting is so good. I hate writing blurbs. Hate. Hate. Hate. It's not too strong a word. Maybe I could add detest. How can 200 words be so hard to write when I regularly churn out up to 100,000 for a novel? The really sad thing is that if someone asks me what my latest book is about - I can't even sum it up in words. I waffle and prevaricate and make it sound awful.
One sentence - that I can do - but not 200 words. I've read everything on how to, I've listened to advice from my husband - does that not indicate my desperation??- I've spent days and days struggling. I have some great critique partners who come up with some crackers but me - myself - alone - I struggle to get there. I do eventually - well usually but today I've done everything but write it.
Pick up the laptop
Log on to everything other than that blurb word doc
Oh coffee
Now the dog needs playing with
I start to read
I stop reading
More coffee
And a biscuit. Okay - two biscuits
Dust the table
Back to the laptop
Empty the dishwasher
Back to the dog
Now the laptop
Yippee - I have the first word - It's -
Well it's a start!
One sentence - that I can do - but not 200 words. I've read everything on how to, I've listened to advice from my husband - does that not indicate my desperation??- I've spent days and days struggling. I have some great critique partners who come up with some crackers but me - myself - alone - I struggle to get there. I do eventually - well usually but today I've done everything but write it.
Pick up the laptop
Log on to everything other than that blurb word doc
Oh coffee
Now the dog needs playing with
I start to read
I stop reading
More coffee
And a biscuit. Okay - two biscuits
Dust the table
Back to the laptop
Empty the dishwasher
Back to the dog
Now the laptop
Yippee - I have the first word - It's -
Well it's a start!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Bad Widow
Like a free read?
The Bad Widow
Barbara Elsborg
Rose Thorne doesn’t want much. She’d like a man to love and for village idiots to stop claiming she’s a witch. Just because she does a little magic doesn’t mean they need to burn her at the stake. It takes ages to get the smell of smoke out of her hair. On her way home after foraging for mushrooms, she’s assaulted by two local lechers. Her rescuer appears out of the mist—a tall, dark, handsome stranger with a mouth-watering body. Finally something in her miserable life is going right. Furthermore, her savior turns out to be mute, so he can’t ruin things by saying something stupid.
Can life get any better?
The Bad Widow
Barbara Elsborg
Rose Thorne doesn’t want much. She’d like a man to love and for village idiots to stop claiming she’s a witch. Just because she does a little magic doesn’t mean they need to burn her at the stake. It takes ages to get the smell of smoke out of her hair. On her way home after foraging for mushrooms, she’s assaulted by two local lechers. Her rescuer appears out of the mist—a tall, dark, handsome stranger with a mouth-watering body. Finally something in her miserable life is going right. Furthermore, her savior turns out to be mute, so he can’t ruin things by saying something stupid.
Can life get any better?
Susie's Choice
Coming out with Ellora's Cave at the end of July. Another menage. I actually wrote this before 'Anna in the Middle' but there you go!
Susie’s Choice
Barbara Elsborg
Wanted. Dead or Alive. Cleaner-housekeeper-miracle worker for two housework-challenged super-busy guys. Three days a week. 9 to 5. Excellent pay for Mother Teresa. Even better for Keira Knightley. And in case we’re called sexist—better yet for Daniel Craig.
When lovers Christian and Joel advertise for a cleaner, they aren’t expecting—or wanting—Mrs. Doubtfire, although one of the applicants could double as Mrs. D’s sister. But when little Susie Hood walks into their lives with scraped knees from a tumble with her bike and the looks and heart of a broken angel, the attraction is instant and irrevocable and it’s all they can do not to lock her up and throw away the key. They want her in their bed, their lives, now…forever… She is everything they wanted, needed—but she has to want both of them. Together, separately, in any and every combination they can think of.
As the sexual heat between them escalates, all three are forced to make decisions that have far-reaching ramifications. Sometimes choosing love is the hardest decision of all.
Susie’s Choice
Barbara Elsborg
Wanted. Dead or Alive. Cleaner-housekeeper-miracle worker for two housework-challenged super-busy guys. Three days a week. 9 to 5. Excellent pay for Mother Teresa. Even better for Keira Knightley. And in case we’re called sexist—better yet for Daniel Craig.
When lovers Christian and Joel advertise for a cleaner, they aren’t expecting—or wanting—Mrs. Doubtfire, although one of the applicants could double as Mrs. D’s sister. But when little Susie Hood walks into their lives with scraped knees from a tumble with her bike and the looks and heart of a broken angel, the attraction is instant and irrevocable and it’s all they can do not to lock her up and throw away the key. They want her in their bed, their lives, now…forever… She is everything they wanted, needed—but she has to want both of them. Together, separately, in any and every combination they can think of.
As the sexual heat between them escalates, all three are forced to make decisions that have far-reaching ramifications. Sometimes choosing love is the hardest decision of all.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Critique Circle
Thought I'd put a little comment in about www.critiquecircle.com - if you're a writer or a would-be writer this site is a gem. One of the problems of writing when you're just starting out - or maybe after years of slogging at the keyboard - how do you know whether you're any good or not? Family and friends may lie. Other writers you know may be reluctant to give you an honest opinion. Critique Circle - CC - puts you in touch with others - just like you - who are trying to be better writers - or who want to get published - or who just need help polishing their masterpiece. With no axe to grind - many will give you the brutal truth. Sometimes it's hard to take but any opinion is worth considering - even if you decide not to listen.
CC works on a credit system. You earn credit for critiquing work and you pay credits to post your work in a queue - privately or otherwise. I won't go into the ins and outs - if you're interested - look them up- but I can honestly say that I'd never have been published if I hadn't found this group. I've made great friends, learned a lot and I'll always be grateful for the site's existence.
CC works on a credit system. You earn credit for critiquing work and you pay credits to post your work in a queue - privately or otherwise. I won't go into the ins and outs - if you're interested - look them up- but I can honestly say that I'd never have been published if I hadn't found this group. I've made great friends, learned a lot and I'll always be grateful for the site's existence.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Moving House
They say it's one of the most stressful things to do - apart from losing a puppy in your back yard that you thought you'd made puppy proof - (don't worry - he turned up in next door's yard). We've just spent the last few days helping daughter and her boyfriend move from a smallish flat to a largish house. I'm still trying to figure out how 18 men's dress shirts and a huge pile of other stuff ended up on my - will you please iron these- list of things to do. What can I say - I'm a saint and sucker.
Apart from missing mobile phone chargers, absentee sunglasses, an argument over a raclette dish (who knew they were so big!)and improvised curtains made of cardboard boxes - all went relatively smoothly. EXCEPT - we arrived home to find son and girlfriend are also moving this weekend - back to our house. Their flat has been invaded by mice. So we have another removal job to do and I'll need to check every bag in case they bring any little critters with them otherwise I'll be moving too.
Apart from missing mobile phone chargers, absentee sunglasses, an argument over a raclette dish (who knew they were so big!)and improvised curtains made of cardboard boxes - all went relatively smoothly. EXCEPT - we arrived home to find son and girlfriend are also moving this weekend - back to our house. Their flat has been invaded by mice. So we have another removal job to do and I'll need to check every bag in case they bring any little critters with them otherwise I'll be moving too.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Happy Ever After
When I read a book, I expect the experience to be a positive one. If it isn’t, I don’t finish the book. It usually gets tossed to the bedroom floor with a grand flourish in the hope that husband will notice so I can rail about the disappointment of wasting my time and money. Of course having to get out of bed to mop up water, having knocked over my glass, sort of spoils the moment.
Genre expectations exist for all types of books. Fans of mystery novels expect to see a crime being solved, horror fans want to be scared witless, readers of fantasy require an imaginative challenge and hard core sci fi readers – ah well, I don’t get those weirdoes but that’s probably because I was crap at physics. The requirement for a HEA in romance books has some people rolling their eyes but what’s wrong with romance readers expecting a happy ending? What’s wrong with anyone wanting a happy ending?
I read to be entertained, to be removed for a while from my ordinary life on my mega-yacht drinking champagne and be transported to a fantasy world of good looking guys. I don’t mind if they’re alive or undead, werewolf or gargoyle, prince or pauper, (but not zombies- I have to draw the line somewhere). But I need to know that the world I enter will become ordered and safe and happy by the end of the book.
To be honest, I like HEA or HFN in everything I read, romance or not. That doesn’t mean to say I don’t read books with unhappy endings, I do, though most often by accident. It’s not something authors announce on the back page – oh by the way, I kill off that lovely hero and leave the heroine to take poison on his grave. Strangely enough, it’s books with unhappy endings that have stayed with me longer than the others. Jay McInerney’s Ransom is a case in point – I love it because I became so emotionally involved with the hero. I faithfully read all the brilliant Karin Slaughter’s series and was staggered by what she did to her hero who’d I’d grown to love over several books. I had to go back and read it again because I wondered if I’d made a mistake. She was paranoid about people revealing the end and threatened disembowelment at the very least for those who spoilt it for others. Fearing she might come after me with a knife, I won’t say too much but I still think about that ending and don’t understand WHY she did it. Even if she’d gone as far with that character as she could, why kill him?
Unhappy endings are not common in romance. If I ended up in floods of tears because one of the MCs died or walked away from love, I’d feel cheated and annoyed. I don’t mind crying at their angst part way through and I don’t mind crying with happiness because they end up together, though it doesn’t happen often. The crying I mean. Readers need characters to get what they deserve. I want the villains to receive their comeuppance. I expect the hero and heroine, or heroes, having completed their journey and learned life’s lessons, to be rewarded with happiness. That’s why I read romance. I want the world to be fair and just.
So what’s the attraction of romance books when I know what’s going to happen? If the ending is predictable, why bother reading? Because HEA isn’t straight forward and is only a small part of the whole. We don’t know the journey the MCs will take and if a writer is skilled enough, she or he will make that journey so compelling we feel the happy ending is the perfect finish.
It might be the fairytale ending of marriage, 2.4 kids and a blissful ride into old age. It might be more a HFN, the feeling of satisfaction that having shown characters maturing during the book, the author has given them the hope of a better life in the future. So it’s really what comes before HEA that’s important- the journey, the learning experience, the battling through difficulties and disappointments as the relationship grows so that the readers feels these two or three – ooh, maybe more – characters can’t live without each other.
How about romance books that don’t have the HEA – or at least my view of a HEA. Gone with the Wind – is the one most commonly quoted. Rhett walks away but we don’t know if Scarlet follows. Personally I couldn’t give a damn, my dear. She was horrible! Remains of the Day is a great story but definitely has an unhappy ending. Jude Deveraux’s – A Knight in Shining Armor is a time travel romance where the hero goes back to his own time and leaves the heroine in the present. We get a sort of HEA but the ending still niggles with me that the two main protagonists don’t end up with each other.
I suppose I learnt a lesson from that with my story – Power of Love – to be released by Ellora’s Cave on the 20th May. It’s the story of a woman whose boyfriend has been killed. He returns as an angel. I never plan my stories – so I got towards the end and thought – how am I going to keep them together? It never crossed my mind that Joe would go off to heaven and leave Poppy to find another love. No, they had to stay together so I made it happen. Ah, the power of the pen!
Genre expectations exist for all types of books. Fans of mystery novels expect to see a crime being solved, horror fans want to be scared witless, readers of fantasy require an imaginative challenge and hard core sci fi readers – ah well, I don’t get those weirdoes but that’s probably because I was crap at physics. The requirement for a HEA in romance books has some people rolling their eyes but what’s wrong with romance readers expecting a happy ending? What’s wrong with anyone wanting a happy ending?
I read to be entertained, to be removed for a while from my ordinary life on my mega-yacht drinking champagne and be transported to a fantasy world of good looking guys. I don’t mind if they’re alive or undead, werewolf or gargoyle, prince or pauper, (but not zombies- I have to draw the line somewhere). But I need to know that the world I enter will become ordered and safe and happy by the end of the book.
To be honest, I like HEA or HFN in everything I read, romance or not. That doesn’t mean to say I don’t read books with unhappy endings, I do, though most often by accident. It’s not something authors announce on the back page – oh by the way, I kill off that lovely hero and leave the heroine to take poison on his grave. Strangely enough, it’s books with unhappy endings that have stayed with me longer than the others. Jay McInerney’s Ransom is a case in point – I love it because I became so emotionally involved with the hero. I faithfully read all the brilliant Karin Slaughter’s series and was staggered by what she did to her hero who’d I’d grown to love over several books. I had to go back and read it again because I wondered if I’d made a mistake. She was paranoid about people revealing the end and threatened disembowelment at the very least for those who spoilt it for others. Fearing she might come after me with a knife, I won’t say too much but I still think about that ending and don’t understand WHY she did it. Even if she’d gone as far with that character as she could, why kill him?
Unhappy endings are not common in romance. If I ended up in floods of tears because one of the MCs died or walked away from love, I’d feel cheated and annoyed. I don’t mind crying at their angst part way through and I don’t mind crying with happiness because they end up together, though it doesn’t happen often. The crying I mean. Readers need characters to get what they deserve. I want the villains to receive their comeuppance. I expect the hero and heroine, or heroes, having completed their journey and learned life’s lessons, to be rewarded with happiness. That’s why I read romance. I want the world to be fair and just.
So what’s the attraction of romance books when I know what’s going to happen? If the ending is predictable, why bother reading? Because HEA isn’t straight forward and is only a small part of the whole. We don’t know the journey the MCs will take and if a writer is skilled enough, she or he will make that journey so compelling we feel the happy ending is the perfect finish.
It might be the fairytale ending of marriage, 2.4 kids and a blissful ride into old age. It might be more a HFN, the feeling of satisfaction that having shown characters maturing during the book, the author has given them the hope of a better life in the future. So it’s really what comes before HEA that’s important- the journey, the learning experience, the battling through difficulties and disappointments as the relationship grows so that the readers feels these two or three – ooh, maybe more – characters can’t live without each other.
How about romance books that don’t have the HEA – or at least my view of a HEA. Gone with the Wind – is the one most commonly quoted. Rhett walks away but we don’t know if Scarlet follows. Personally I couldn’t give a damn, my dear. She was horrible! Remains of the Day is a great story but definitely has an unhappy ending. Jude Deveraux’s – A Knight in Shining Armor is a time travel romance where the hero goes back to his own time and leaves the heroine in the present. We get a sort of HEA but the ending still niggles with me that the two main protagonists don’t end up with each other.
I suppose I learnt a lesson from that with my story – Power of Love – to be released by Ellora’s Cave on the 20th May. It’s the story of a woman whose boyfriend has been killed. He returns as an angel. I never plan my stories – so I got towards the end and thought – how am I going to keep them together? It never crossed my mind that Joe would go off to heaven and leave Poppy to find another love. No, they had to stay together so I made it happen. Ah, the power of the pen!
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