Out with the old, in with the new

You know how it is - no matter how used to get to his foibles, there comes the moment that enough is enough and you have to part ways with your best friend. The end of our partnership crept up slowly. My dissatisfaction with the speed of his response, our inability to connect, the way he kept losing things that were important to me, the way he wanted to do his own thing no matter how hard I tried to perusade him otherwise. He'd lost his shine, he had no stamina at all and I just couldn't get those crumbs out of his nooks and crannnies. Even with the vaccuum cleaner. But I think it was his reluctance to let me turn him on that finally did it. Me!! I've been devoted to him for all these years, never looked at another model no matter how beautiful. He's had a lovely house to live in, company all day long and sometimes all night long as well. But he just has to go.
The new guy in my life has arrived. Slim - not so heavy - gorgeous looking, wide in the right places. Bright? Like a lightbulb. Fast? I've never seen anything so quick to respond to my commands. He can't do enough for me. The only snag is I don't think I'm making the most of his inner qualities. We need time alone!
But no doubt about it - me and my new Toshiba are made for each other.

Fireworks

Bonfire night in the UK on the 5th of November, the day we commemorate the attempt of Guy Faulkes to blow up our Houses of Parliament. Time for a big bonfire and lots of fireworks. Sounds fun? Well, I always thought so until I had a dog to look after while the night sky reverberated with bangs and clashes. The poor thing tried to burrow under my skin. I've never had so much affection in my life. I just wish the fireworks were confined to one night and didn't go on for three or four days.

This sweetie is called Winston Kennedy - a long haired miniature dachshund

Men in Shorts - out in paperback!!!!!!!

My Ravenous Romance short story - The Special Gift - in "Men in Shorts" anthology is now available in paperback!!!!


There is nothing like summer, when the weather changes and the men change into their summer shorts. And basketball shorts. And cut-offs. And board shorts! Here are 14 erotic short stories featuring all those wicked fantasies we’ve ever had about the mailman, the cop, the athlete, and the gardener. And G.I. Joe! With legs bared and muscles flexing, these men in shorts are sure to inspire, entertain, and titillate you! Contributors include: Barbara Elsborg Dawn Jackson Adam Carpenter Neve Black C. Margery Kempe Lisa Lane Heidi Champa Katy Sirls Brandi Woodlawn Karen Sutow Ryan Field Savannah Chase Lexi Ryan

I have to wait to buy my paperback copy until I come to America - otherwise the postage will be more than the book!!!

The Misfits - available 27th October from Loose-Id

It’s not easy being a faerie. Holly would know. She’s the laughing stock of Fae, useless at magic and has wings that never cooperate. She can’t understand why a high-born faerie she hardly knows would want to marry her because she certainly doesn’t want to marry him. The mortal world looks far more enticing.

Being a vampire bites. Crippled with guilt over his part in the death of his twin, Dominic is estranged from his family. When he rescues an injured werewolf on the run from his pack, he sees a kindred spirit in the damaged outcast.

What use is a werewolf who can’t scent or track? Victim of his conniving brother, Jay is viciously attacked by his pack. The wolves might not want him but once he’s living with Dominic, they won’t leave him alone.

After a night of passion with Dominic and Jay, Holly’s ready to move in with them. But their enemies are intent on keeping them apart and the trio of misfits find themselves in a fight for survival. If they can’t figure a way through the web of lies and deceit that bind them, they’ll lose more than their families. They’ll lose each other.

Lucy in the Sky - out 21st October from Ellora's Cave

Lucy in the Sky
Barbara Elsborg

When you wake up to find a spaceship in your backyard, what do you do? Choose from three:
Phone the police.
Scream.
Go yell at the alien for wrecking your garden.

Lucy storms out of her house to confront the inept pilot and the last option turns out to be both the right and wrong choice when she finds the gorgeous hunk’s name is Three. She’s torn between fury that he’s crushed her roses and decapitated her statue of Eros, and a longing that he enliven her boring life and whisk her to the stars. Three doesn’t give her a choice when he throws her over his broad shoulders and takes her into space. Lucy soon finds herself exploring alien territory in ways she never imagined.

Three’s efforts to hide and protect her on the mother ship are stymied by his inability to keep his hands—and other body parts—off the luscious Lucy, and it looks as if her immediate fate might be a solo trip into space without a spacesuit.

Reader advisory: Contains hunka-hunka-burnin’ male/male sex scenes. Score!

Doing the right thing - coming soon!

Available from Cerridwen Press - 24th September 2009

Doing the Right Thing
Barbara Elsborg

Addie Winter is single—just one more reason for disappointment in her permanently disapproving mother’s eyes. There’s nothing she wants more than to be loved but when her own mother can’t bring herself to love her, she wonders if anyone can. What she needs is a man—real would be ideal, but she’ll settle for pretend. Anything to shut her mother up.

Will Mansell chokes on his drink when Addie offers to pay him to spend the night in her room. Tall, dark-haired and the epitome of Addie’s “hero”, he can’t believe his luck because women usually go for his blond-haired brother. Ed Mansell is a serial playboy with an electric smile who waltzes through life and through women. Lucky for Will and Ed they don’t have the same taste in women. But that was before they met Addie.

Far from pretending, Will and Ed set out to prove Addie wrong. But after having no one who loves her, Addie finds too much love can be just as painful as no love at all.

Filleting a salmon

Yes, you read it right. Oh God, why why why why did I think I could do it? Big party. Big shop at supermarket and I saw this whole salmon sitting there. It said buy me. It also said reduced and I knew that would please my husband. So I bought it. I should have taken it back when the girl on the register refused to handle it because she didn't like fish. But no, it went into the trolley.
Got it home and thought - what the ?? have I done?
Google - brilliant for everything. Only computer is in one room, salmon is in other and by the time I'd walked from one room to the other, my mind had gone blank. So I cut off the head. obviously don't need that.
Back to Google. Leave the head on.
S...t
I need a sharp knife. Not one in our house except the one in my husband's tool box. Made no difference - it was not easy to cut that damn fish. Not keen on the sounds of bones crunching. Is that fish blood or mine?
I did manage to get it in half but there was more left on the spine than I expected.
Now the skin, how to get it off?
Back to Google
Much too much time later, I had the skin off. The head off. The tail of. The bits out. Only I did't have two nice salmon fillets. I had a pile of fish flakes.
Back to Google - what to do with salmon flakes
Useless so I made it up.
I plastered everything together. Poured over soy sauce and sesame seeds. Wrapped it in foil and everyone said it was delicious.
I couldn't bring myself to eat it.