Yes, you read it right. Oh God, why why why why did I think I could do it? Big party. Big shop at supermarket and I saw this whole salmon sitting there. It said buy me. It also said reduced and I knew that would please my husband. So I bought it. I should have taken it back when the girl on the register refused to handle it because she didn't like fish. But no, it went into the trolley.
Got it home and thought - what the ?? have I done?
Google - brilliant for everything. Only computer is in one room, salmon is in other and by the time I'd walked from one room to the other, my mind had gone blank. So I cut off the head. obviously don't need that.
Back to Google. Leave the head on.
I need a sharp knife. Not one in our house except the one in my husband's tool box. Made no difference - it was not easy to cut that damn fish. Not keen on the sounds of bones crunching. Is that fish blood or mine?
I did manage to get it in half but there was more left on the spine than I expected.
Now the skin, how to get it off?
Back to Google
Much too much time later, I had the skin off. The head off. The tail of. The bits out. Only I did't have two nice salmon fillets. I had a pile of fish flakes.
Back to Google - what to do with salmon flakes
Useless so I made it up.
I plastered everything together. Poured over soy sauce and sesame seeds. Wrapped it in foil and everyone said it was delicious.
I couldn't bring myself to eat it.