Tree of death

I needed something to go in the middle of the table for Christmas. Husband had returned from one of his many trips to Walgreens or was it CVS - do those guys love each other or not?? I mean the stores not my husband - though I've renamed him Bargain Man. If you look for a CVS here in Orlando - a Walgreens will be yards away.
Anyway - I digress. He came back with some tiny tree ornaments - free! Quite pretty but much too small for our big tree so I thought - table decoration.

At home in the UK, I could have found a little branch and hung on the decorations with no problem. I found a tree outside but it was still full of leaves. So I went out with scissors. Boy, are those branches hard to cut. The leaves were covered in - er - eggs? so I chopped those off and finally had a bare branch.

Then I started to itch. And itch. When the first spider dropped off onto me, I screamed and itched. But never let it be said we Brits are scared of spiders. I scoured the branch until I was sure there was no lurking raccoon or bear and stuck it in an urn I just happened to have around. Itched. Stuffed the sides with Walmart plastic bags. Itched. Hung on all the decorations. Turned my back for a moment and the tree slipped over. Everything fell off.

Three days later, I'm still itching but I finally got the branch to stay still. Though if anyone touches it the thing tilts.

It's in the center of the table looking very sad. I hope by the time we've had a few drinks, no one will notice.
Sigh.
Maybe the itching will stop soon.