Biscuits - why is my cupboard empty?

Better define what I mean by biscuit - cookie for the American readers. A custard cream is supposed to be the UK's favourite biscuit. Think Oreo but not chocolate - a bland sandwich with a sugary sweet filling. I don't like them but I could eat one right now - hence this post. I'm eating one vicariously.
Custard creams are unassuming, dare I say boring apart from the intricate swirly design which goes back to Victorian times. You don't get many biscuits that look like this one.
 Just like an Oreo, it can be deconstructed. Tease the layers apart with your teeth, being careful not to break the biscuit, and then nibble the filling. Of course, then you're left with uninteresting halves to eat or maybe dunk in tea. But I don't like tea.
I really want a chocolate digestive but I don't have any of those either. It'll have to be coffee and nothing at eleven. Sigh.....