Tree of death

I needed something to go in the middle of the table for Christmas. Husband had returned from one of his many trips to Walgreens or was it CVS - do those guys love each other or not?? I mean the stores not my husband - though I've renamed him Bargain Man. If you look for a CVS here in Orlando - a Walgreens will be yards away.
Anyway - I digress. He came back with some tiny tree ornaments - free! Quite pretty but much too small for our big tree so I thought - table decoration.

At home in the UK, I could have found a little branch and hung on the decorations with no problem. I found a tree outside but it was still full of leaves. So I went out with scissors. Boy, are those branches hard to cut. The leaves were covered in - er - eggs? so I chopped those off and finally had a bare branch.

Then I started to itch. And itch. When the first spider dropped off onto me, I screamed and itched. But never let it be said we Brits are scared of spiders. I scoured the branch until I was sure there was no lurking raccoon or bear and stuck it in an urn I just happened to have around. Itched. Stuffed the sides with Walmart plastic bags. Itched. Hung on all the decorations. Turned my back for a moment and the tree slipped over. Everything fell off.

Three days later, I'm still itching but I finally got the branch to stay still. Though if anyone touches it the thing tilts.

It's in the center of the table looking very sad. I hope by the time we've had a few drinks, no one will notice.
Sigh.
Maybe the itching will stop soon.

Reading at the speed of light

That's me. The Buzz Lightyear of the reading world. Difficult to say how fast because I've never been anal enough to actually count words but I read about 80 pages in 20-25 minutes. Which is fast. Husband reads a book a week or a month. But as he likes to point out, he does remember what happens in his books. Sometimes I'm hard pressed to remember character names let alone the plot. The better I like the book, the more I remember, though.
I think I developed the technique from when I was at college and I was expected to read three Dickens novels in a week. Read fast or you're in trouble. Now I find it hard to read slowly and that frustrates me sometimes. I think it must be something about me though because I do everything fast - cook, clean, speak, drive, write - ah that explains why no one can read my writing, nor eat my food and perhaps explains that speeding ticket.
Damn, maybe I'd better slow down.

Strangers - out with Ellora's Cave 2nd December

Strangers by Barbara Elsborg

Well here it is. My favorite book. The book of which I am most proud. The book whose hero makes me laugh and cry. The best book I've written.

Kate Snow’s had enough of bad boys until a one-way swim in the ocean puts her on a collision course with one she can’t resist. Charlie Storm has turned being a bad boy into an art form. Already a famous pop star, mega-success in the movie business beckons until his inner demons send him spiraling out of control and right out to sea. The last thing he expects to do before he dies is crash into a suicidal woman.

When the worlds of these two strangers collide, their lives take an upward twist. In surviving the waves, they find they can’t stand to be apart, in or out of bed. Kate seizes a chance for happiness, seeing in Charlie a man she can finally trust to love her. Charlie can’t let go of Kate because she’s the only woman able to see the man he wants to be.

But the price of fame is high and when the world wants to drive them apart, life only seems safe in Kate’s bed.

Out with the old, in with the new

You know how it is - no matter how used to get to his foibles, there comes the moment that enough is enough and you have to part ways with your best friend. The end of our partnership crept up slowly. My dissatisfaction with the speed of his response, our inability to connect, the way he kept losing things that were important to me, the way he wanted to do his own thing no matter how hard I tried to perusade him otherwise. He'd lost his shine, he had no stamina at all and I just couldn't get those crumbs out of his nooks and crannnies. Even with the vaccuum cleaner. But I think it was his reluctance to let me turn him on that finally did it. Me!! I've been devoted to him for all these years, never looked at another model no matter how beautiful. He's had a lovely house to live in, company all day long and sometimes all night long as well. But he just has to go.
The new guy in my life has arrived. Slim - not so heavy - gorgeous looking, wide in the right places. Bright? Like a lightbulb. Fast? I've never seen anything so quick to respond to my commands. He can't do enough for me. The only snag is I don't think I'm making the most of his inner qualities. We need time alone!
But no doubt about it - me and my new Toshiba are made for each other.

Fireworks

Bonfire night in the UK on the 5th of November, the day we commemorate the attempt of Guy Faulkes to blow up our Houses of Parliament. Time for a big bonfire and lots of fireworks. Sounds fun? Well, I always thought so until I had a dog to look after while the night sky reverberated with bangs and clashes. The poor thing tried to burrow under my skin. I've never had so much affection in my life. I just wish the fireworks were confined to one night and didn't go on for three or four days.

This sweetie is called Winston Kennedy - a long haired miniature dachshund

Men in Shorts - out in paperback!!!!!!!

My Ravenous Romance short story - The Special Gift - in "Men in Shorts" anthology is now available in paperback!!!!


There is nothing like summer, when the weather changes and the men change into their summer shorts. And basketball shorts. And cut-offs. And board shorts! Here are 14 erotic short stories featuring all those wicked fantasies we’ve ever had about the mailman, the cop, the athlete, and the gardener. And G.I. Joe! With legs bared and muscles flexing, these men in shorts are sure to inspire, entertain, and titillate you! Contributors include: Barbara Elsborg Dawn Jackson Adam Carpenter Neve Black C. Margery Kempe Lisa Lane Heidi Champa Katy Sirls Brandi Woodlawn Karen Sutow Ryan Field Savannah Chase Lexi Ryan

I have to wait to buy my paperback copy until I come to America - otherwise the postage will be more than the book!!!

The Misfits - available 27th October from Loose-Id

It’s not easy being a faerie. Holly would know. She’s the laughing stock of Fae, useless at magic and has wings that never cooperate. She can’t understand why a high-born faerie she hardly knows would want to marry her because she certainly doesn’t want to marry him. The mortal world looks far more enticing.

Being a vampire bites. Crippled with guilt over his part in the death of his twin, Dominic is estranged from his family. When he rescues an injured werewolf on the run from his pack, he sees a kindred spirit in the damaged outcast.

What use is a werewolf who can’t scent or track? Victim of his conniving brother, Jay is viciously attacked by his pack. The wolves might not want him but once he’s living with Dominic, they won’t leave him alone.

After a night of passion with Dominic and Jay, Holly’s ready to move in with them. But their enemies are intent on keeping them apart and the trio of misfits find themselves in a fight for survival. If they can’t figure a way through the web of lies and deceit that bind them, they’ll lose more than their families. They’ll lose each other.

Lucy in the Sky - out 21st October from Ellora's Cave

Lucy in the Sky
Barbara Elsborg

When you wake up to find a spaceship in your backyard, what do you do? Choose from three:
Phone the police.
Scream.
Go yell at the alien for wrecking your garden.

Lucy storms out of her house to confront the inept pilot and the last option turns out to be both the right and wrong choice when she finds the gorgeous hunk’s name is Three. She’s torn between fury that he’s crushed her roses and decapitated her statue of Eros, and a longing that he enliven her boring life and whisk her to the stars. Three doesn’t give her a choice when he throws her over his broad shoulders and takes her into space. Lucy soon finds herself exploring alien territory in ways she never imagined.

Three’s efforts to hide and protect her on the mother ship are stymied by his inability to keep his hands—and other body parts—off the luscious Lucy, and it looks as if her immediate fate might be a solo trip into space without a spacesuit.

Reader advisory: Contains hunka-hunka-burnin’ male/male sex scenes. Score!

Doing the right thing - coming soon!

Available from Cerridwen Press - 24th September 2009

Doing the Right Thing
Barbara Elsborg

Addie Winter is single—just one more reason for disappointment in her permanently disapproving mother’s eyes. There’s nothing she wants more than to be loved but when her own mother can’t bring herself to love her, she wonders if anyone can. What she needs is a man—real would be ideal, but she’ll settle for pretend. Anything to shut her mother up.

Will Mansell chokes on his drink when Addie offers to pay him to spend the night in her room. Tall, dark-haired and the epitome of Addie’s “hero”, he can’t believe his luck because women usually go for his blond-haired brother. Ed Mansell is a serial playboy with an electric smile who waltzes through life and through women. Lucky for Will and Ed they don’t have the same taste in women. But that was before they met Addie.

Far from pretending, Will and Ed set out to prove Addie wrong. But after having no one who loves her, Addie finds too much love can be just as painful as no love at all.

Filleting a salmon

Yes, you read it right. Oh God, why why why why did I think I could do it? Big party. Big shop at supermarket and I saw this whole salmon sitting there. It said buy me. It also said reduced and I knew that would please my husband. So I bought it. I should have taken it back when the girl on the register refused to handle it because she didn't like fish. But no, it went into the trolley.
Got it home and thought - what the ?? have I done?
Google - brilliant for everything. Only computer is in one room, salmon is in other and by the time I'd walked from one room to the other, my mind had gone blank. So I cut off the head. obviously don't need that.
Back to Google. Leave the head on.
S...t
I need a sharp knife. Not one in our house except the one in my husband's tool box. Made no difference - it was not easy to cut that damn fish. Not keen on the sounds of bones crunching. Is that fish blood or mine?
I did manage to get it in half but there was more left on the spine than I expected.
Now the skin, how to get it off?
Back to Google
Much too much time later, I had the skin off. The head off. The tail of. The bits out. Only I did't have two nice salmon fillets. I had a pile of fish flakes.
Back to Google - what to do with salmon flakes
Useless so I made it up.
I plastered everything together. Poured over soy sauce and sesame seeds. Wrapped it in foil and everyone said it was delicious.
I couldn't bring myself to eat it.

Blurbs

I have to vent. Well, actually I'm avoiding doing something but venting is so good. I hate writing blurbs. Hate. Hate. Hate. It's not too strong a word. Maybe I could add detest. How can 200 words be so hard to write when I regularly churn out up to 100,000 for a novel? The really sad thing is that if someone asks me what my latest book is about - I can't even sum it up in words. I waffle and prevaricate and make it sound awful.
One sentence - that I can do - but not 200 words. I've read everything on how to, I've listened to advice from my husband - does that not indicate my desperation??- I've spent days and days struggling. I have some great critique partners who come up with some crackers but me - myself - alone - I struggle to get there. I do eventually - well usually but today I've done everything but write it.
Pick up the laptop
Log on to everything other than that blurb word doc
Oh coffee
Now the dog needs playing with
I start to read
I stop reading
More coffee
And a biscuit. Okay - two biscuits
Dust the table
Back to the laptop
Empty the dishwasher
Back to the dog
Now the laptop
Yippee - I have the first word - It's -
Well it's a start!

The Bad Widow

Like a free read?

The Bad Widow
Barbara Elsborg

Rose Thorne doesn’t want much. She’d like a man to love and for village idiots to stop claiming she’s a witch. Just because she does a little magic doesn’t mean they need to burn her at the stake. It takes ages to get the smell of smoke out of her hair. On her way home after foraging for mushrooms, she’s assaulted by two local lechers. Her rescuer appears out of the mist—a tall, dark, handsome stranger with a mouth-watering body. Finally something in her miserable life is going right. Furthermore, her savior turns out to be mute, so he can’t ruin things by saying something stupid.

Can life get any better?

Susie's Choice

Coming out with Ellora's Cave at the end of July. Another menage. I actually wrote this before 'Anna in the Middle' but there you go!

Susie’s Choice
Barbara Elsborg

Wanted. Dead or Alive. Cleaner-housekeeper-miracle worker for two housework-challenged super-busy guys. Three days a week. 9 to 5. Excellent pay for Mother Teresa. Even better for Keira Knightley. And in case we’re called sexist—better yet for Daniel Craig.

When lovers Christian and Joel advertise for a cleaner, they aren’t expecting—or wanting—Mrs. Doubtfire, although one of the applicants could double as Mrs. D’s sister. But when little Susie Hood walks into their lives with scraped knees from a tumble with her bike and the looks and heart of a broken angel, the attraction is instant and irrevocable and it’s all they can do not to lock her up and throw away the key. They want her in their bed, their lives, now…forever… She is everything they wanted, needed—but she has to want both of them. Together, separately, in any and every combination they can think of.

As the sexual heat between them escalates, all three are forced to make decisions that have far-reaching ramifications. Sometimes choosing love is the hardest decision of all.

Critique Circle

Thought I'd put a little comment in about www.critiquecircle.com - if you're a writer or a would-be writer this site is a gem. One of the problems of writing when you're just starting out - or maybe after years of slogging at the keyboard - how do you know whether you're any good or not? Family and friends may lie. Other writers you know may be reluctant to give you an honest opinion. Critique Circle - CC - puts you in touch with others - just like you - who are trying to be better writers - or who want to get published - or who just need help polishing their masterpiece. With no axe to grind - many will give you the brutal truth. Sometimes it's hard to take but any opinion is worth considering - even if you decide not to listen.

CC works on a credit system. You earn credit for critiquing work and you pay credits to post your work in a queue - privately or otherwise. I won't go into the ins and outs - if you're interested - look them up- but I can honestly say that I'd never have been published if I hadn't found this group. I've made great friends, learned a lot and I'll always be grateful for the site's existence.

Moving House

They say it's one of the most stressful things to do - apart from losing a puppy in your back yard that you thought you'd made puppy proof - (don't worry - he turned up in next door's yard). We've just spent the last few days helping daughter and her boyfriend move from a smallish flat to a largish house. I'm still trying to figure out how 18 men's dress shirts and a huge pile of other stuff ended up on my - will you please iron these- list of things to do. What can I say - I'm a saint and sucker.
Apart from missing mobile phone chargers, absentee sunglasses, an argument over a raclette dish (who knew they were so big!)and improvised curtains made of cardboard boxes - all went relatively smoothly. EXCEPT - we arrived home to find son and girlfriend are also moving this weekend - back to our house. Their flat has been invaded by mice. So we have another removal job to do and I'll need to check every bag in case they bring any little critters with them otherwise I'll be moving too.

Happy Ever After

When I read a book, I expect the experience to be a positive one. If it isn’t, I don’t finish the book. It usually gets tossed to the bedroom floor with a grand flourish in the hope that husband will notice so I can rail about the disappointment of wasting my time and money. Of course having to get out of bed to mop up water, having knocked over my glass, sort of spoils the moment.
Genre expectations exist for all types of books. Fans of mystery novels expect to see a crime being solved, horror fans want to be scared witless, readers of fantasy require an imaginative challenge and hard core sci fi readers – ah well, I don’t get those weirdoes but that’s probably because I was crap at physics. The requirement for a HEA in romance books has some people rolling their eyes but what’s wrong with romance readers expecting a happy ending? What’s wrong with anyone wanting a happy ending?
I read to be entertained, to be removed for a while from my ordinary life on my mega-yacht drinking champagne and be transported to a fantasy world of good looking guys. I don’t mind if they’re alive or undead, werewolf or gargoyle, prince or pauper, (but not zombies- I have to draw the line somewhere). But I need to know that the world I enter will become ordered and safe and happy by the end of the book.
To be honest, I like HEA or HFN in everything I read, romance or not. That doesn’t mean to say I don’t read books with unhappy endings, I do, though most often by accident. It’s not something authors announce on the back page – oh by the way, I kill off that lovely hero and leave the heroine to take poison on his grave. Strangely enough, it’s books with unhappy endings that have stayed with me longer than the others. Jay McInerney’s Ransom is a case in point – I love it because I became so emotionally involved with the hero. I faithfully read all the brilliant Karin Slaughter’s series and was staggered by what she did to her hero who’d I’d grown to love over several books. I had to go back and read it again because I wondered if I’d made a mistake. She was paranoid about people revealing the end and threatened disembowelment at the very least for those who spoilt it for others. Fearing she might come after me with a knife, I won’t say too much but I still think about that ending and don’t understand WHY she did it. Even if she’d gone as far with that character as she could, why kill him?
Unhappy endings are not common in romance. If I ended up in floods of tears because one of the MCs died or walked away from love, I’d feel cheated and annoyed. I don’t mind crying at their angst part way through and I don’t mind crying with happiness because they end up together, though it doesn’t happen often. The crying I mean. Readers need characters to get what they deserve. I want the villains to receive their comeuppance. I expect the hero and heroine, or heroes, having completed their journey and learned life’s lessons, to be rewarded with happiness. That’s why I read romance. I want the world to be fair and just.
So what’s the attraction of romance books when I know what’s going to happen? If the ending is predictable, why bother reading? Because HEA isn’t straight forward and is only a small part of the whole. We don’t know the journey the MCs will take and if a writer is skilled enough, she or he will make that journey so compelling we feel the happy ending is the perfect finish.
It might be the fairytale ending of marriage, 2.4 kids and a blissful ride into old age. It might be more a HFN, the feeling of satisfaction that having shown characters maturing during the book, the author has given them the hope of a better life in the future. So it’s really what comes before HEA that’s important- the journey, the learning experience, the battling through difficulties and disappointments as the relationship grows so that the readers feels these two or three – ooh, maybe more – characters can’t live without each other.
How about romance books that don’t have the HEA – or at least my view of a HEA. Gone with the Wind – is the one most commonly quoted. Rhett walks away but we don’t know if Scarlet follows. Personally I couldn’t give a damn, my dear. She was horrible! Remains of the Day is a great story but definitely has an unhappy ending. Jude Deveraux’s – A Knight in Shining Armor is a time travel romance where the hero goes back to his own time and leaves the heroine in the present. We get a sort of HEA but the ending still niggles with me that the two main protagonists don’t end up with each other.
I suppose I learnt a lesson from that with my story – Power of Love – to be released by Ellora’s Cave on the 20th May. It’s the story of a woman whose boyfriend has been killed. He returns as an angel. I never plan my stories – so I got towards the end and thought – how am I going to keep them together? It never crossed my mind that Joe would go off to heaven and leave Poppy to find another love. No, they had to stay together so I made it happen. Ah, the power of the pen!

Interviews!!

A lovely interview here with me by Fran!! - Salt Lake City Examiner

http://www.examiner.com/x-5288-Salt-Lake-City-Romance-Novels-Examiner~y2009m5d21-Welcome-Romance-Lovers-Today-I-am-interviewing-British-Romance-author-Barbar-Elsborg?#comments

And another great one here with Bobby at Bookwenches review site

http://www.bookwenches.com/interviews.htm

Thanks guys!!!!

Power of Love - out 20th May from Ellora's Cave

Sometimes love lasts a lifetime. Sometimes love reaches beyond death.

Joe is a lost soul.
When Detective Joe Dalziel is killed in the line of duty, the result of a blunder by his girlfriend, Poppy, he ends up stuck between worlds, not quite in heaven, not quite in hell. Joe wakes with gray wings and a mission. He thinks he has to save Poppy from herself and persuade her to let him go. But can Joe move on, or will he destroy himself clinging to the one thing he couldn’t hold onto in life? Love.

Poppy is a soul lost.
She’s lost her heart, her sanity and the only man she ever loved. Six months have passed since Joe died but Poppy can’t say goodbye. Tormented by guilt over his death, Joe is still part of her life. Everywhere she looks, he’s there—talking to her, touching her, sharing ice cream and showers. Not really there, only if you want something enough, can love make it happen?

Sometimes love lasts forever.

A real blog

Finally I have a website to promote my wonderful self I can actually use this blog to actually - er - blog. I've been waiting to do this for ages and of course now I have no idea what to say. Maybe my thoughts about attending the Romantic Times conference in Orlando would be a good start.
First paperback, first conference and a long way from the UK but such a thrill. I met so many great people - readers, writers, booksellers, agents, editors and male models. oops - forget I said the latter but Jeremy - you had lovely eyes, a sweet nature and I voted for you.Sorry you didn't win.
All my writing life, I've dreamed of seeing a book in print with my name on the cover. One of the reasons I publish erotica under my real name. That dream came true this year. I sat in the room with hundreds of famous authors and sold all my alloted number of books, had my photo taken by a fan and finally - after two hours - burst into tears when it finally sank in that a dream had come true. Not everyone is so lucky I know and I'm humbled by the experience. I'm going to have to find another dream now.

The Special Gift

OOh - it has a nice new cover!!

Anna in the middle

Coming soon from Ellora's Cave - release date 27th March 2009



Anna is in the middle of a mess.

She’s being stalked by a manipulative guy who’s about to marry her sister and has everyone convinced Anna is jealous. Her luck changes when she meets tall, dark and gorgeous Jax. But after a steamy night of sex, Anna discovers something that makes her think he's married.

Jax is in the middle of a dilemma.

He's torn between the man he loves and a woman he’s just met. Tracking her down means risking what he already has. Jax is desperate to find her, but will she understand what he’ll have to tell her?

Will is in the middle of heartache.

He knows Jax loves him, though he’s never said it. He also knows Jax has found a woman. Torn between being a good friend and Jax's lover, Will’s not sure their relationship will survive. The only way to find out is to locate Anna for Jax. But when Will finds her, he discovers the reason Jax has fallen so hard.

Lightning In A Bottle

Available 24th February 2009 from Loose-Id

Felix feels like he’s been hit by lightning. After successfully avoiding responsibility for most of his life, it’s thrust upon him when his parents die. As the thirteenth Earl of Sherbourne, he inherits Pevenhurst Castle, the home that’s been in his family for four hundred years – and when he can’t afford to repair it, he’s forced to sell.

Lightning isn’t supposed to strike twice, but when the electrifying Erin Markov whirls into Felix’s life she gives him more to worry about. Erin’s exciting and unpredictable, in and out of bed, if only he could get her to stop dancing in thunderstorms, rollerblading in the middle of the night and leaping around on unsafe roofs. Plus she has this annoying habit of biting his neck.

Erin wishes she could remember who she is. The couple who claim to be her parents leave her in a dilapidated stately home with supplies of a revolting energy drink and instructions not to go out in the sun. Then she discovers sculptor Felix living next door and life becomes far more tasty.

Until the day Erin finally remembers who she is and wishes she hadn’t.

Something About Polly

An offer she should refuse.

When Polly reluctantly attends a charity auction she doesn’t expect to win, she bids on a sealed offer made by a devilishly handsome marquis. From the look on the auctioneer’s face as he reads out “three wishes”, Polly’s sure he’s lying. The marquis snatches the envelope before she can read it and invites her to take a risk on the contents or accept three wishes. He’s as shocked as her when she accepts his offer of WILD SEX.

An offer she won’t refuse.

If trouble had a name, it would be Adrian, Marquis of Shoreham. Tall, dark and magnetic, and everything Polly wants except he’s lusting after her best friend. Adrian’s one of the pampered elite Polly despises who uses his privileged position to gain every advantage. Polly knows she should walk away and go about her boring, abstinent life. Instead, she finds herself walking towards Adrian on London Bridge, with nothing but wild sex on her mind. An encounter that will lead to --

The offer she never expected.